lately i have been reading quite a bit & sometimes i wonder how authors have the nerve, the guts, the real actual gumption to write. how do they make out these wild tales? are the thoughts of their audience so insignificant that they write for themselves or are they just so confident that they know they’ve got a winner? and in my own work… how does that… well, work? am i that confident, that careless? do i write or shoot for anyone else or really, really, REALLY for myself? i’ve been forced to answer these questions in the last year. i’ve learned that they are pretty darn important if you want to stay true to yourself & enjoy your work… my work. and i’ve learned that self preservation is something i indeed value! if i have to look behind my back at who really cares, who i need approval from, & who is spell checking me, i may as well just be happy with what i want to be happy with & turn my cheek to the rest. it’s cathartic! it’s inspiring! i think we should all be so confident & careless in business!
i have been reading lewis carrol’s “alice in wonderland” to olivia. it amazes me how O asks questions about the story… i’m shocked sometimes that she is listening so intently! and, when i think about it, i too wonder like the famous caterpillar… “who are you”? i think we can ask ourselves that at any age & in any stage if life. i am thankful to have an answer.
i wondered who i am the most when i returned from peru in august of last year. looking at these beautiful, kind people daily. watching them live so simply, i wondered who i am to think i can help them. even after watching the miracle of them getting life saving water i wondered what i could possible give them after they had given me so much hope. so much life. so much love, and hugs, and after welcoming me into their homes as a sister. i missed my own family, but i never wanted to leave. i miss them. deeply. daily.
i have realized lately the need for me to share my images of my time in peru. the need for my work to do it’s work. the first time i opened my hard rive after returning i sat paralyzed, staring at my screen and wondering where to start. then next time was when i got an email with an image of the children there standing together in front of the church where we gathered… where i met them all for the first time. where they hugged me. called me sister. and i fought back tears at the overwhelming sense of love i felt from these strangers that loved me just for coming to their little remote village in the amazon. i opened the email, laid my head on my desk, and sobbed. i cried like i had left my own sister behind. it felt devastating. i miss them!
soon i will, finally, share with you the faces that i came to love in peru. the faces that i hope to return to in august. the faces that make owning a camera and having a dream worth dreaming.
this little guy got fresh, clean water while i was there. i am anxious to see his mischievous face again. i know who i am as a photographer when i am in peru… who are you…